Day 2 – A Love Affair With My Life

Well, I officially began my 90 day Manifestation Mastery Journey within yesterday.  And I have to say, that I’m already feeling a significant change in the person I am being.  I’m already feeling a bit more alive, in color, and sexy… 🙂

I kicked off my journey with a free call inviting others to participate.  Here is the recording where you can begin your own 90 Day Journey.

I woke up yesterday morning feeling excited!!  That feeling of anticipation and curiosity was bubbling up all morning as I prepared breakfast for my Ella, danced around her bedroom with her, and handed her off to Rosa, her beloved nanny, at 9:30.  With my mothering responsibilities behind me, and the kitchen back into order after Ella whirled cheerios around the room, I was ready to tend to an inner yearning that I could feel coming forward for weeks now.

As I sat down at my desk, looking over Broadway into a face of beautiful September-lush trees, my breathing slowed as I slipped on my earphones to listen to the “Getting Started” module of the Manifestation Mastery Journey.

I felt my heart commit to the journey.  To 90 days of inner connection.  Evolution.  Transformation.  Unfolding.

I felt the presence of Spirit lifting me up from the inside.

During the guided visualization at the end of the first recording, I excavated beautiful insights and wisdom.  I’ll share a few discoveries with you here…

“I see my current life as a reflection of family and service.  My activities surround the mundane.  Cooking, feeding, caring, tending.  Chores.  I see the gray of my existence.  The tired exhaustion that comes from a constant pull of others’ need.  I see myself at my desk.  Hunched over.  Working quickly trying to complete every task.  I see the email inbox full, and still filling.  It feels neverending.  I notice that everything feels like a labor.  Very few moments of true color and joy.  I see me and my family up at the lake.  It is beautiful.  It is lovely.  But even the lake feels tired.  I see myself chasing my Ella from rock to stone to flower.  And while there are flickers of joy… the moment I open the door in the morning to see Ella’s sweet face smiling back at me, the sound of her voice saing “Ma Ma,” the connected moments when Frank plays the guitar and we all feel together, the stolen moments where I sneak out for a walk while Ella naps… There is so much good… And yet it somehow seems to be washed in a shade of gray.  A feeling of exhaustion.  A longing for freedom.”

“I see my three greatest strengths clearly.  The are…

(1) Perseverance/will (which saved my life when I was a child)

(2) A deep capacity for feeling (which I see is the center of my healing power — both for myself and with others)

(3) Courage (which still startles me when I consider the radical choices I’ve made over the years)”

“What I wish for in my life… more peace, more color, more freedom…I wish to release resentment of my family for their needs… I wish to embrace the simple beauty of my life… I wish to live more in the awakeness of celebrating the deeper truth that I have fulfilled one of my deepest desires, that being to have a family… And I wish to release struggle in my business.  I wish to stop trying.  I wish that success could either be there and be consistent, or that I could finally surrender my need for it altogether.  I wish that I felt a more complete feeling of connection with my step-daughter… that I could feel more for her the way I so easily feel for Ella…”

“Then came the question of what is my Life School (the area of my life, that contains the greatest space of transformation and enlightenment available to me).  Just as the question came, I instantly knew that the answer:  Money.  The answer was clear as day.”

“The struggles I see around money boils down to personal value and self worth.  Deep down, there is still a part of me who believes I am unworthy of the success I have, the beautiful family I have, and the comfortable lifestyle that my husband and I have created.  I don’t feel worthy of what I have. Thus, I have to keep trying again and again to prove that I am worthy.  And the more I have, the more proving I still feel I need to do.  So I am, in some ways, unsettled by the presence of abundance in my life.  And that unsettled feeling plays itself out in self-sabotaging ways, both in my business and in my family.  I see this stems from growing up without much money.  We didn’t buy things, not because we chose not to, but because we couldn’t afford it.  Somehow every time I pay for something — something that will bring me pleasure or joy — I feel guilty that I even have the choice.  I feel somehow that I don’t deserve the choice.”

“What I long for most is to feel worthy of what I have and for what I long for.”

“The Manifestation Mentor that came forth today was Oprah. I was deeply resistant at first. Beneath my resistance to having Oprah show up, I notice that I judge the desire of others and myseslf, for having the “Oprah fantasy” — the fantasy of being noticed by her, put on her show, and having overnight success and stardom — the same way I judge the fantasy of winning the lottery, because both the “Oprah fantasy” and winning the lottery, have seemed equally as unrealistic and a waste of time to even consider.  But after breathing through my resistance, I allowed myself to settle in and be with Oprah’s magnificent presence.  She was waring warm brown clothing — a cashmere sweater with a cowl neck and brown cashmere pants that looks so soft that I longed to touch them, and a pair of Manolo Blahnik brown alligator stiletto heels.  Impeccable, beautiful, yet comfortable, tasteful.  She smelled of Chanel No. 5 perfume, and her entire presence seemed to be filled with a calming potion that slowed my heart rate to a slow, yet powerful hum.

“Oprah told me that I am delicious and that she is here with me because, despite what I might think, she knows and loves me.  She proclaimed, ‘I see you, Coco.  You are NOT invisible to me.’

“She then explained that I have been misunderstanding the idea of ‘shining one’s light.’ She explained that it is a myth that shining your light has anything to do with other people.  She told me that the purpose of shining your light is NOT to connect with others (that’s just a mere byproduct) — the real purpose of shining your light is to connect with yourself.  She told me simply, ‘Bathe yourself in your own light.  That’s what it means to shine your light.  And when you do, you will feel whole and powerful again.’

Oprah’s key to success, she explained, is self-love.  Loving what I do, yes.  But more important, who I am.”

“She showed me what’s keeping me from my success… The need to please others.  The need to coax an audience… She told me that this path no longer serves me — it once did, but it is not where I am intended to put my attention now.  She explained that pleasing others and coaxing an audience can only get you so far.  She explained that for me, in particular, it makes me believe I need to prove my worth.  She told me to shine for myself.  Feel free to do it publically.  But forget about others’ response.  Shine for yourself, and yourself alone. She explained that she too was once addicted to pleasing others.  But it could only take her so far.  Real success came, for her, after stopped focusing on needing the audience.  She explained that this is the golden rule she has followed all her career.”

“As I step into my Authentic Path, here’s what Oprah revealed is available to me… She showed me a picture of myself sitting radiant, beautiful, and emanating love. Light was all around me.  I had a seductive smile that seemed to hold many delicious mysteries behind it.  I understood that this desire — for a radiant, powerful, delicious me — is the only desire I need to focus on.  With this in place, I can relax and enjoy the ride of life.  I can experience the joy of my beautiful family.  And I can choose what I want to do in my business… but not have it be about proving my worth… because that will no longer be necessary.  In this vision, I am free to simply enjoy.

“Oprah revealed that my 12-Month Manifestation Goal is to become a ripe, juicy, irresistible goddess.”

“And the first brave step, my 90-Day Divine Creation/Goal, is to “have a love affair with my life.”  She explained that what this means is to…

1.  Develop this week, A Daily Love Affair Ritual that I follow every day for the next 90 days,

2.  Take myself on seven sexy, seductive dates (just me, all by myself) between now and December 13th

3.  Have some kind of special goddess celebration somewhere along the way (maybe it will be somehow connected to the WorldChanging Breakthrough workshop I plan to give in November :)”
“For actions, Oprah gave me three…

1.  Every day put on perfume and lipstick (it seems to be the beginning of my daily goddess ritual)

2.  Create your daily goddess ritual and begin following it

3.  Each day this week, journal and reflect for 10 minutes about what it means to me to have a “Love Affair With My Life”

** Just to be 100% clear, the conversation described above with Oprah was in my inner world, not an actual conversation with Oprah Winfrey.

=======================

Inspired by my new focus of having a love affair with my life and becoming a ripe, juicy, irresistable goddess, I went out and had my hair done yesterday afternoon!! 🙂

I hope you enjoyed reading about my first day on the journey.  Thank you for listening!

If you would like to join me, and take a journey of your own to the depths of your being, sign up at www.ManifestationMastery.net.

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