It has been WEEKS since my last post! Thank you for not forgetting about me and staying close to my heart.
I thought I’d take time today fill you in on what’s happening in my neck of the woods.
FIRST! I’m celebrating a momentous completion! Last week, I wrapped up the 1-year WorldChangingWealth program. I journeyed for a full year with an incredible group of wisdom-inspired entrepreneurs. I plan to feature these incredible, WorldChanging Leaders in the months ahead, so you can get to know them and have the opportunity to connect with this amazing group of trailblazers.
Leading the WorldChangingWealth program was incredibly trans formative for me.
As a group, our intention was for each of us to experience a radical increase in our energetic frequency. Our primary goal was to evolve and transform our inner worlds, so as to live life from a higher frequency of love, power, and prosperity. To correspond, or demonstrate that inner world change, we each set an external world goal that represented a shift in the energetic frequency of our inner worlds.
In other words…
- We first decided how much we wanted to expand energetically (a little or a whole lot) in 2009
- Then we imagined how that shift on the inside might affect our outer world.
- Finally, each of us selected a primary 12 month goal that could be witnessed and demonstrated in the physical world.
But we set the 12 month goal knowing that the purpose of our journey wasn’t the goal.
The purpose of our journey was internal transformation, and one possible manifestation that could occur as we evolved our inner world to that higher energetic frequency, would be the 12 month goal selected for 2009.
For me, I wanted, more than anything in 2009, to have a radical increase in energy experienced as a greater feeling of self-worth. The specific goal I imagined last January that would demonstrate the immense energetic breakthrough I had in mind, was the manifestation of $500K in revenues. My thinking last January was that my self-worth had only allowed me to receive about 40% of that in years past. Since I wanted to more than double my connection and awareness to self-worthiness, I set the goal at $500K.
My $500K goal, while exciting, was always secondary to my primary intention: radical increase in energy experienced as a greater feeling of self-worth.
After setting the goal, we asked ourselves…
What would stop me from reaching that goal?
And I could see right away lived the fear that I can’t have what I want.
I see now that the primary obstacle I was working through in 2009 was this belief, that I can’t have what I want. Of course this wasn’t a new fear. It was an old fear that had been chasing me around since childhood. My whole life I’ve lived with the lingering suspicion that “you can’t have it all,” “that you can’t look a gift horse in the mouth,” and that “getting what you want only comes from tremendous sacrifice.”
I realize now that it hadn’t ever really, truly occurred to me until mid-way through 2009 that having what I want could actually be easy and natural — completely without doing, striving, or trying. But I’m getting ahead of myself…
So, after selecting my 12 month goal of $500K, which represented the external manifestation of discovering a heightened experience of self-worthiness, I set out on my journey.
The first way I handled my fear of not being able to have what I want was through sheer will and force. This was nothing new. I decided a long time ago that I could will myself to do or achieve anything. And I proved this to be true in countless circumstances. If you need someone to make something happen — no matter how impossible — I was always the girl for the challenge.
The way I decided I would make my goal of more self-worth and $500K come to me was through hard work and determination. I set up an incredibly rigorous marketing and communication plan. I hired a team to help me do, do, do all the things that needed doing. I launched programs, wrote articles, spoke on radio shows, and led dozens of free calls.
I was going to WILL my way to self-worth. (Sound familiar?)
The only problem with handling the fear of “not being able to have what you want” through force and will, is that it only intensifies the fear. This is a major scoop of wisdom that came from the year, actually.
The harder I worked the more I reinforced the idea that I alone was unworthy. It was only through the time, energy, giving, dollars, and sacrifices I made that I could prove my worth and receive what I wanted. So I was drilling myself deeper and deeper into the corridors of belief that I couldn’t really have what I wanted — I couldn’t really have success AND keep my sanity. I couldn’t have success AND not give it all away.
In other words, by trying to will myself toward my goal, I only exacerbated the belief that I can’t have what I want.
Ugh.
That brings us to roughly June of last year. Will and force carried me that far.
But I was suddenly struck by the awareness that while I was well on my way towards my $500K goal, my larger intention to have a radical increase in energy experienced as a greater feeling of self-worth — the one that was truly important to me – seemed farther away than ever.
I wasn’t feeling greater self-worth. I was feeling tired. Exhausted. Frustrated.
Sitting at a resort in Arizona with my mastermind group, I suddenly realized that not only was I moving in the opposite direction of my intention, but I was also moving deeper into my fear that I can’t have what I want. It was there that I realized it was time for a radical shift in approach.
I knew I needed to slow down. I need to stop proving my worth and start discovering and honoring it. I also needed to plunge further into this fear of not being able to have what I want.
To do this, I launched the Simplicity Experiment, which I discussed on my blog (90-days of removing everything from my life and business that wasn’t bringing me joy).
During the Simplicity Experiment I started to finally listen to my heart and hear what it wanted moment to moment. I was both shocked and terrified to learn that my heart’s desire didn’t want all the things I kept telling myself I wanted. It didn’t want tons of clients. It didn’t want to be busy, busy, busy. It didn’t want to have every moment of every day scheduled and structured. It didn’t even seem particularly affected with joy when I made a sale or a big check would come it.
The Simplicity Experiment allowed me to see what I had been completely unaware of previously: I had no idea what I truly wanted.
I learned the key to breaking through my fear of not being able to have what I want AND my desire for greater self-worth in the same moment. That moment came when I realized that I had never even allowed myself to consider what I truly want, because I’d already deemed myself unworthy of something so huge. Therefore the simple key was to allow myself the full, unadulterated space to ponder such a “selfish” question of…
“If I could have anything I wanted easily and effortlessly, and I didn’t have to prove my worthiness of receiving it, what would I want to do/be/have in this moment?”
During the rest of the Simplicity Experiment, and the rest of 2009, I used this question to explore the nature of my true desires.
I discovered lots of new things about my true nature…
- I love time to myself and I need a fair bit of it to keep in an energetic state of empowerment.
- When I do too much I feel my energy dip and I start to perceive myself through victim eyes.
- I love to walk. Not only does it keep my body feeling fit and healthy, but it clears my mind. It is deep self-care for me.
- I simply adore my husband — being with him is my favorite thing to do (assuming I’ve also had a balance of time to myself).
- I love to be with my daughter. When I allow myself to be fully present and not distracted by work, email, or anything else, being with Ella is the single most fulfilling, joyful way for me to spend my time. When I am doing too much, I loose my patience and barely enjoy my time with her.
- For me to keep my energetic frequency at its highest, the primary focus of my attention and energy, at least right now, needs to be my family.
- I love deep, meaningful relationships (much of this energy is currently captured in my relationships with my family).
- I don’t do well managing lots of relationships (which is why I don’t plan to take on any more ongoing coaching relationships).
- I enjoy reading stories about people who inspire others (fiction or non).
- I love to pour myself into a creative project for an intense, but short time, and then rest for a while after.
- I am productive when I leave plenty of time to be unproductive.
- When I honor these things I’ve written above, my creative juices flow powerfully through me. I am a clear vessel for wisdom and truth. I am able to teach, share, and lead.
During these months, I’ve asked myself again and again, the question “Do I want to have a business? Or do I want to be a full-time mom?” Even asking these questions perhaps demonstrated one of my biggest shifts in self-worth all year, as it allowed me to even consider the possibility that I could be worthy of allowing my husbandto take care of me while I focus on Ella Pearl. I know it might seem small, but for me it was HUGE — a much bigger demonstration of an energetic shift for me, than $500K in the bank.
And so far, the answer keeps coming back… “Stay connected to WorldChangingBusiness… but allow yourself to do it in a scaled-back, easy way.”
So that’s the voice I’ve been following.
In 2009, I didn’t reach my $500K goal. And believe it or now I’m thrilled about it, actually. Even relieved. Because instead of reaching it, I discovered during 2009 that I am worth far more than the money I make. I am worthy of joy, love, and happiness even I don’t make lots of money — even if I don’t help others — even if I don’t change the world. In fact, not reaching my goal was more of a demonstration of my worthiness than anything. I learned that I am worthy of joy just because I am. Like all of us.
The funny thing is that I was well positioned the first half of the year to meet and even exceed my goal. But the true lessons of self-worth showed up mid-year forcing to ask even bigger questions — about what I truly want — and could I summon up the courage (and yes it takes courage to feel worthy) to be worthy enough to have what I want.
I now understand why my $500K goal was perfect. It was sent to me directly from the divine. But it wasn’t about reaching the goal that I discovered was important. It was what I learned along the way.
Thus, my desire for WorldChangingBusiness in 2010 is to enjoy being with all of you, to share whatever happens to be flowing through me at any given time, and to honor my own rhythm of rest and creativity. I am rolling out a very simple new business model that allows me to create on a less rigorous and less scheduled pace, while also allowing for the development of a handful of deeply meaningful business relationships in my life.
Some of these deep, meaningful relationships will be the members of my WorldChangingWomen team. In the weeks ahead I’ll be explaining what this group is in greater detail. In short, they are my dream team. They are women who inspire me. Women that I know and trust deeply. Women who truly are out there making a difference in the world.
And in April, I will be launching a new program. A program with a new kind of format and approach that I believe in my heart will both inspire and transform you from the inside out. More details will come in the weeks ahead.
Between now and the April launch, you’ll start hearing from me again here and there. I’ll be introducing the WorldChangingWomen, following my daily guidance, and reaching out to you when my heart feels authentically inspired to do so.
Love and light,
Coco
I’ve been taking discovery walks through the bookstore to see what topics jump out at me. All sorts of things are showing up, but so far, with only luke-warm interest. Actually one thing that I have been interested in is studying and connecting with “WorldChangers” — people who have made a positive impact on their community or the larger world. Part of that has been the gentle, curious investigation of people who have won the Nobel Peace Prize. There are some truly AMAZING people in the world… Actually, maybe that IS my new interest to explore. I had a momentary thought today that I might host a radio show that interviews WorldChangers… I’d do it for the raw experience of hearing the stories and being in the presence of truly amazing, impact-ful people on the planet. I’ve also started taking three mornings off per week to connect and be with my Ella Pearl. I’m finding this to be truly transformative. By spending time with her first thing in the morning, when I am bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, and inviting the nanny to come later in the day to take care of her during the hours when I am running out of energy, I’m discovering that not only am I experiencing a greater connection with my little Pearl, but also feeling less exhausted all the time.